Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
