im drinking this country out of the recession.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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