i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
