This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
