So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize