my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
