If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize