in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
