FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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