someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
