Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
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