Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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