I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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