So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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