Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
