Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
3pm strippers are depressing
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
