please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
