I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
How does one acquire holy water?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize