when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
