is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
