I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
