You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
