So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Sorry about my life...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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