Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
