you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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