The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
