i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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