Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
