So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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