I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
