please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
