Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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