I wannas sexs uuuuu
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
