I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
