there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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