Dude my mom stole all your condoms
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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