I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
