If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
No subtext here. People are naked.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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