he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
