Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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