The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
