I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
