cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
