why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
