the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
