Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
