OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
