my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
