last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
