the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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