I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
