They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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