It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
