Me too!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
