MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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