What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
