I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
