he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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