Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
