we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
