I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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