people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
