So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
