Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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