Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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