Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize