This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
