I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
