fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
