I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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